Okay, so I was sure that this whole marriage thing would be a challenge, all relationships are. However I wasn't expecting it to be this difficult. Before I continue I want to make it clear that my husband is in no way the source or cause of these difficulties I am speaking of. He is amazing. He is a great husband and a wonderful father, he is leading this family in a humble and Godly way and providing everything we need. To put it plain and simple, I am the problem. No, this isn't some pity party that I am throwing for myself, I have just been doing a lot of soul searching and taking a good long hard look at myself (with the encouragment of others to do so).
Maybe it's because of the fact I lived with marriage counselors (good ones), that I thought I'd have this marriage thing down. I mean, I know all the basics, I even know all the big problems that couples face, the ones that end in counseling and even divorce. I know what the bible says about having a Godly marriage and I've seen it all work for truth in others lives. So then why am I having such a difficult time applying all my knowledge to my own marriage?
I've been seeing a lot of things lately, very upsetting things. For instance, my son has had absolutely no respect for authority. He is under the impression that his 4-year-old wisdom far surpasses anyone with a diploma or college degree. As funny as it sounds, it's scary. I have been killing myself trying to discipline him and change his behavior with little to no results. Very frustrating. Then I asked a different question, "What's wrong with me?" instead of "What's wrong with him?" That is a huge question with some really ugly answers if you think about it. You see, my biggest problem is submission. It always has been. Knowing this I thought I would be able to keep it under control, unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I have argued with my husbands authority...GOD ORDAINED AUTHORITY and demonstrated to my son that this is acceptable. OMG what have I done?!
So this is my new mission. Rather than be a better mother to my son or fix my sons behavior issues, I have decided to be a better wife to my husband and fix my own behavior issues. Ouch! Seriously, how can I expect my son to have any respect for authority when I don't. He has no idea what that even looks like.
The second thing that fed into my revelation was a book my mother in law demanded Nick and I read together. Since I have more free time on my hands than he does I went ahead and started, thank God that I did. You see I had this AHA! moment about a week ago. I was recovering from a night of resisting my husbands authority and him finally breaking and spilling his heart to me-by the way, this was the mots beautiful, painful conversation I have ever had with him-anyways, the next day I was thinking. I am married to a man that is extremely committed to his job and driven to provide for his family. That is a very admirable quality in a man, however after a while, for many women, it becomes a source of irritation. If he's at work all the time when does he have time for his family? Well, my husband comes home after work every night and spends time with us, he takes days off for us, when we need him he's always there. I want him to continue to do that and I know that if he feels like he can't be successful with his family like he is at his job, he will spend less time with the family and more time at work. This leads into what I learned in that book I was talking about. It's called Love and Respect and the basic jist of it is that men and women have basic NEEDS--women need love and men need respect. If a man doesnt feel respected he will react in an unloving way and if a woman feels unloved she will be disrespectful. It's a cycle. It makes logical sense, but there's more than that, it's biblical. By biblical, I mean that those words are specifically in the bible. In Ephesians, it says (paraphrased) Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and wives submit to your husbands like the church submits to Christ. Well a little further down the page it restates these instructions in slightly different words. 5:33 (NIV)"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves his own body and the wife must respect her husband." LOVE and RESPECT. AHA!
So, relating this back to Mason, as a married couple we are to demonstrate the connection between Christ and the church in our marriage. Submission and unconditional love. And for our marriage, unconditional love and unconditional respect. It's very basic, but oh so hard to accomplish. But here I go, I'm going to give it my best and I will be the wife that God commands me to be and the wife my husband deserves!
Pray for me:)
Maybe it's because of the fact I lived with marriage counselors (good ones), that I thought I'd have this marriage thing down. I mean, I know all the basics, I even know all the big problems that couples face, the ones that end in counseling and even divorce. I know what the bible says about having a Godly marriage and I've seen it all work for truth in others lives. So then why am I having such a difficult time applying all my knowledge to my own marriage?
I've been seeing a lot of things lately, very upsetting things. For instance, my son has had absolutely no respect for authority. He is under the impression that his 4-year-old wisdom far surpasses anyone with a diploma or college degree. As funny as it sounds, it's scary. I have been killing myself trying to discipline him and change his behavior with little to no results. Very frustrating. Then I asked a different question, "What's wrong with me?" instead of "What's wrong with him?" That is a huge question with some really ugly answers if you think about it. You see, my biggest problem is submission. It always has been. Knowing this I thought I would be able to keep it under control, unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I have argued with my husbands authority...GOD ORDAINED AUTHORITY and demonstrated to my son that this is acceptable. OMG what have I done?!
So this is my new mission. Rather than be a better mother to my son or fix my sons behavior issues, I have decided to be a better wife to my husband and fix my own behavior issues. Ouch! Seriously, how can I expect my son to have any respect for authority when I don't. He has no idea what that even looks like.
The second thing that fed into my revelation was a book my mother in law demanded Nick and I read together. Since I have more free time on my hands than he does I went ahead and started, thank God that I did. You see I had this AHA! moment about a week ago. I was recovering from a night of resisting my husbands authority and him finally breaking and spilling his heart to me-by the way, this was the mots beautiful, painful conversation I have ever had with him-anyways, the next day I was thinking. I am married to a man that is extremely committed to his job and driven to provide for his family. That is a very admirable quality in a man, however after a while, for many women, it becomes a source of irritation. If he's at work all the time when does he have time for his family? Well, my husband comes home after work every night and spends time with us, he takes days off for us, when we need him he's always there. I want him to continue to do that and I know that if he feels like he can't be successful with his family like he is at his job, he will spend less time with the family and more time at work. This leads into what I learned in that book I was talking about. It's called Love and Respect and the basic jist of it is that men and women have basic NEEDS--women need love and men need respect. If a man doesnt feel respected he will react in an unloving way and if a woman feels unloved she will be disrespectful. It's a cycle. It makes logical sense, but there's more than that, it's biblical. By biblical, I mean that those words are specifically in the bible. In Ephesians, it says (paraphrased) Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and wives submit to your husbands like the church submits to Christ. Well a little further down the page it restates these instructions in slightly different words. 5:33 (NIV)"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves his own body and the wife must respect her husband." LOVE and RESPECT. AHA!
So, relating this back to Mason, as a married couple we are to demonstrate the connection between Christ and the church in our marriage. Submission and unconditional love. And for our marriage, unconditional love and unconditional respect. It's very basic, but oh so hard to accomplish. But here I go, I'm going to give it my best and I will be the wife that God commands me to be and the wife my husband deserves!
Pray for me:)
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