Seeing things in a whole new light..

So, last night I had something terrifying happen to me. Well, technically it happened to my son, but it really freaked me out. Have you ever had one of those moments that stirred you to the core of your soul? I had one of those. I was sitting at church listening to my husband and the rest of the praise band practice for the igNITE (6pm) service, Mason was doing his usual running up and down the aisles while I sat and watched. I normally let him run up and down the aisles when there aren't many people there because it keeps him occupied and gets rid of some of that excess energy he has. Well, one of the other band members and him were playing some form of tag. I saw Mason run and then he disappeared, since he falls all the time I thought nothing of it - the soundboard was obstructing my view of exactly what happened. The next thing I know my almost 5 year old little boy comes stumbling up to me making this strange grunting noise. It took me a moment to realize he was really hurt, but as soon as he got to me his eyes rolled back in his head and his legs turned to jello. His whole little body went limp and he kept making these weird noises. I promise you I have never been more scared than I was in that moment. It really looked as though he was having a seizure. Apparently what happened was he took a corner too fast and hit his belly on the arm of one of the chairs. He got the breath knocked out of him and once he caught his breath he was fine, but I wasn't. As the mom of a small boy, I see tons of falls, bumps and bruises, he even broke his arm at the age of three, but something like that, when I didn't know what was wrong, made me feel so helpless.

It's strange how these things can make you look at your life and the lives of those around you so differently. On a personal level, I think of all the selfish things I have done since I've been a mother. I didn't accept Christ until Mason was two, and even then I didn't fully get it. It has taken me a long time to base my decisions on the well being of my family and not what I want, honestly, I still mess it up sometimes. I have taken for granted that I have a healthy little boy and a family that loves me unconditionally. But seeing my little boy suffering and now knowing why or how to fix it just reminds me of how blessed I am and how quickly I could lose all the amazing things God has given me. Just by being careless for a brief moment it could all be gone. So last night I hugged my son a little tighter, read him an extra bedtime story, told him I love him about a thousand times and watched his little chest rise and fall as he slept. I prayed for him and I prayed for me, I prayed for God to help me be the mommy that he needs and deserves. And needless to say, the rules have changed considering running in church.

I just want to say to anyone reading this, if you have healthy children, don't take them for granted. I have seen in newspapers, magazines and on television the thousands of children in the US that spend the majority of their childhood in hospitals, and the hundreds that don't make it out of the hospitals. Just be thankful that God blessed you with this perfect creation (no matter how annoying or unruly they can get) and spend as much time loving them as possible. And for those of you that have spent weeks and months in the hospitals beside your children, praying that they will pull through or asking God why it had to be them, I commend you for your courage and love. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, and honestly I don't want to, but I promise I will pray for you and your children.

On that note, I am going to go spend some time with my son.