Prayers are desparately needed

It's definitely not easy when life throws you a curve ball. It's even harder to handle when emotions are already running high. I know God has a plan in all this and I know that amazing things are going to happen, but right now I feel scared and alone, which are two feelings I never thought I'd have a month before I am scheduled to deliver my son. Most of my feelings stem from this crazy, awesome idea that our pastor, Clay had. We are beginning a series called ExposedPastor.com. This basically consists of Clay exposing his life, for a full month, to anyone who wants to watch via the internet. He will be filmed live, mostly by my husband, for the entire month of August. At any point people can log onto ExposedPastor.com and watch him live out his day to day life. It's going to be huge, and very stressful for all parties involved.

I am very excited to see how this project affects the lives of the people involved and the people watching. The weight of this series is a sure indication that Satan is going to be working overtime to mess it up. So far, technology failures mixed with a lack of man power to carry everything out have proven to make this series the most difficult thing our church has done to date.

As excited as I am for this, I am still struggling a bit. This is where the scared and alone comes in. I was under the impression that I would get a couple days to spend with my husband before he goes away for a month, however, he is the main guy in this production and all the set backs have made it impossible. The part that is really bothering me is that I really didn't expect to spend the last month of this pregnancy alone. I had visions of Nick, Mason and I anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new baby together, feeling all the kicks, bumps and rolls that our little miracle is producing. I know that God has a purpose in his timing, and it is not up to me or anyone else to understand. I just really hoped that this would be a time of bonding and not of separation.

I am really praying for the strength to make it through this with my sanity and dignity intact. As afraid as I am, I am seeing some major opportunity through all my fear. Opportunity to connect myself in a deeper, more intimate way with God. Time for prayer and study. Opportunity to rely on the friendships that God has given me. I know God will carry me through this, just as he has carried me through my previous obstacles, and on the other side of this I have the rest of my life with the man I love and my two precious children.

In the mean time, I pray. Prayers for strength for my family and Clays. This is sure to be one of the most important and impactful journeys that our church has ever gone on, so I pray for protection. And I pray for the lives that will be touched through this.