Okay, so I'm just sitting here waiting for my wonderful husband to finish up his work at the church so we can go to the beach. I have nothing profound or intelligent to say..just waiting. I figured it's the weekend and I would take a day off from thinking and just write random nonsense! So far, mission acconplished.
Have you ever tried to keep a 4 and a half year old little boy contained while he's waiting to go to the beach? It's not easy. He has been in time-out 2 times and is sitting there now. He has his swim trunks on, all lotioned up and ready to go..and Daddy is still working. Ugh! So hopefully within the next 20 minutes we'll be outta hear to chill out in the sun the rest of the day.
So this concludes my rambling trying to fill up time until we leave. I'm off to find my husband and drag him out of here. Peace!
5.31.2008
5.29.2008
Married Couples Only!
So I was going through some old sermons from different churches online and I ran across a series from back in April at Newspring called Sex, Money, Power: The Man Series - What She Really Wants You To Know About Sex. Being a married woman, I was curious to see what Perry Noble (a man) had to say about what women really want..especially sexually. First I have to say, if you are a man WATCH THIS! (and be like a Gazelle. lol.) If you're married, you will be a much happier man and if you're single, someday you will have a great marriage. Lets just say Perry knows what's up!
The sermon was based on the book Song of Solomon. In my opinion this is one of the most important books in the bible for married couples...and the least read out of the whole bible. It is no more than a conversation between a married couple about sex! Once you learn to decifer the metaphors that they use, this book gets pretty graphic, but it gives you such a great look into how to really please a woman. I'm not going to detail the whole thing, you can watch it online for yourself, I just want to highlight some things that really stood out to me. The principles that were given came from chapter one, they lay the ground work for the rest of the book. Before I list the principles Perry outlined I want to mention that through out this book the woman says this, "My lover is mine and I am his..." Song of Solomon 2:16. As a woman I can tell you right now that everything a woman desires is based around the same things - LOVE and SECURITY. If a woman feels loved and secure she will feel free to "expose" herself to her husband - and trust me guys, it's a beautiful thing. All 4 of the principles that Perry gave revolved around the woman feeling loved and secure.
Song of Solomon 1:16 - the woman was the first one to bring the bed up in the conversation, because she felt pursued, she trusted him, she felt beautiful and he spoke lovingly to her.
I began listening to this sermon out of curiosity and now I have a whole new appreciation for my husband. I am so blessed to have a husband that really gets it. I know that some women don't have that and my heart and prayers really go out to them. I guess I didn't realize how free I feel to love my husband because of how secure and loved I feel. He has sacrificed for me, prayed for me, loved me unconditionally..Lord knows I can be unlovable sometimes. I praise God for giving me the man I've always needed and I pray that God will help me be the wife he needs.
The sermon was based on the book Song of Solomon. In my opinion this is one of the most important books in the bible for married couples...and the least read out of the whole bible. It is no more than a conversation between a married couple about sex! Once you learn to decifer the metaphors that they use, this book gets pretty graphic, but it gives you such a great look into how to really please a woman. I'm not going to detail the whole thing, you can watch it online for yourself, I just want to highlight some things that really stood out to me. The principles that were given came from chapter one, they lay the ground work for the rest of the book. Before I list the principles Perry outlined I want to mention that through out this book the woman says this, "My lover is mine and I am his..." Song of Solomon 2:16. As a woman I can tell you right now that everything a woman desires is based around the same things - LOVE and SECURITY. If a woman feels loved and secure she will feel free to "expose" herself to her husband - and trust me guys, it's a beautiful thing. All 4 of the principles that Perry gave revolved around the woman feeling loved and secure.
1) "I want you to pursue me romantically." Song of Solomon 1:2 Discover your wifes definition of romance, ASK HER! Women want to know that they are worth being pursued, we want to feel special, we want to know you want us. It makes us feel beautiful, it makes us feel secure, it makes us feel loved - it makes us want to have sex with you! "There is nothing more beautiful and more powerful than a woman who feels loved and pursued by her husband." - Perry
2) "I want to be able to trust you." Song of Solomon 1:3 We want to know you will do what you say you will do, and we want to know that you are who you say you are. It gives us the freedom to be honest with you and again, we feel secure. When we can talk to you and really feel like you're listening we feel special, one of the most important things you can do as a husband is listen to your wife. When we talk, we don't want you to fix the problem, just listen and sympathize. I feel the most connected with my husband when we have a real conversation, about anything, and it usually ends up good for him :) Trust should be the foundation af all marriages, if there is no trust, there is no security.
3) "I want to know that you think I'm beautiful" Song of Solomon 1:5-7 ALL WOMEN struggle with feeling beautiful. Society tells us we aren't beautiful enough, or skinny enough, or tone enough, we rely on you to make us feel beautiful. I am 6 months pregnant and the baby belly makes me feel less than sexy, thank God I have an incredible husband. The way he looks at me and the things he says make me feel so beautiful. Husbands, tell your wife she's sexy, tell her she's beautiful, tell her she turns you on. Don't assume that because you try to have sex with her she knows you think she's gorgeous, open your mouth and tell her - sing her 'Your Body is a Wonderland' or something. When we feel beautiful we tend to drop some of our inhibitions, again this relates back to security. If we know that you think we are the most beautiful woman on earth then we know that "I am his and he is mine" is true and we will have more confidence and less restraint :)
4) "I want you to use your words with care." Song of Solomon 1:9-11 It's not only what you say, but how you say it. You can do so much damage to a woman with your words, or you can build her up to incredible heights. This rings especially true for me, I need to hear that my husband loves me, that I'm beautiful, that the house looks nice. Not that I only need lip service, I know when it's genuine. More importantly, when I go to my husband with a problem, something really upsetting to me, I need to hear that my feelings are valid. I've been in relationships in the past where my feelings were called stupid or petty, I was told I shouldn't feel that way. You know, sometimes women do make a mountain out of a mole hill, but we come to you, our husbands, to vent and get it off our chest, the last thing we need is to be told that our feelings are ridiculous. I am blessed with a husband that listens to me and comforts me, I pray that all women experience this in their marriages. "With our mouths we have the power to build up or destroy our wives." -Perry
Love your wifes with an undying, sacrificial, passionate love - the way Christ loved the church! Ephesians 5:25-27 If you can accomplish this you will have a radiant, beautiful, successful, healthy marriage (and sex life).Song of Solomon 1:16 - the woman was the first one to bring the bed up in the conversation, because she felt pursued, she trusted him, she felt beautiful and he spoke lovingly to her.
I began listening to this sermon out of curiosity and now I have a whole new appreciation for my husband. I am so blessed to have a husband that really gets it. I know that some women don't have that and my heart and prayers really go out to them. I guess I didn't realize how free I feel to love my husband because of how secure and loved I feel. He has sacrificed for me, prayed for me, loved me unconditionally..Lord knows I can be unlovable sometimes. I praise God for giving me the man I've always needed and I pray that God will help me be the wife he needs.
5.28.2008
The word of the day is "UNITY"
So I have been doing some thinking... my husband and I had a conversation recently about friendships and unity and what not. We have both come to the conclusion that we have no real friends. Not that the people around us aren't genuine or friendly, but we don't really have anyone that we "do life" with.
I have had friends come and go in and out of my life, but strong friendships never seem to stick around. I believe most of that is due to my lack of maturity when it comes so maintaining relationships. I am still growing in this area. But for some reason my husband has the same problem with friendships, there really isn't anyone around that we, as a family, or each of us individually, can connect with on a personal level on a regular basis. Me being a woman, this is particularly difficult to swallow since I am driven from my soul to have bonds and relationships with other women. Recently this lack of unity in our "circle" has caused some turbulence. When people don't spend time together and connect on a deeper level then they don't really know each other and things tend to get taken the wrong way and feelings get hurt. People put up walls and organize defenses when all they really needed to do was speak up and clarify.
It's hard though, I have that problem as well. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have the worst timing of anyone when it comes to speaking up. It's a flaw of mine that results in me putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. I am seeing God working now though. It's difficult for me, but I believe that God is stripping away things from my life that are keeping me from working on the real problem, myself. I hate to admit it, but I have drifted, I've seen it for a while now and I've been making my sad mortal attempts at concocting a solution, but I've only been working on the outward problems and not changing the heart. I've been trying to turn sour fruit sweet instead of trimming back the branches and starting over. So although my attempts to rectify some wrongs have been somewhat in vain, it has painfully revealed the true problem and given the motivation to really make things right. I owe most of this insight to my best (and only) friend, my husband. I praise God for him and his ability to help me decipher the often obvious things in my life that are holding me and us back. He has vowed to love me forever, better or worse and help me reach my full God-given potential, he gives me the will to make a change and I am so thankful to him for that.
So I have devised a plan, a list of changes that will hopefully result in more UNITY - at home, at work, at church, in our lives in general.
1. PRAY more often. (I need to talk to God more)
2. READ Gods word daily. (I need to listen to God more)
3. Adopt a POSITIVE attitude for everything. (Finding joy in anything)
4. Complain LESS. (I'm pregnant, and uncomfortable, no need to remind everyone all the time)
5. APPRECIATE my husband. (He is awesome! Tell him & show him)
6. CONTRIBUTE more to my family. (I don't have a job-my family is my job)
7. SCHEDULE my time. (Get stuff done during the day so evenings are free)
8. Be FLEXIBLE with family time. (When Nick's off work, family time begins)
9. LISTEN better. (Two ears and one mouth..talk less)
10. Remember our family's VISION. (Always moving forward, always serving the Lord)
Most of those seem like no-brainers, but I have to refocus sometimes just to stay, or get back, on track. So here goes - I'm off to give my family more of what it deserves and pray that these changes, in time, will flow through out my entire life.
I have had friends come and go in and out of my life, but strong friendships never seem to stick around. I believe most of that is due to my lack of maturity when it comes so maintaining relationships. I am still growing in this area. But for some reason my husband has the same problem with friendships, there really isn't anyone around that we, as a family, or each of us individually, can connect with on a personal level on a regular basis. Me being a woman, this is particularly difficult to swallow since I am driven from my soul to have bonds and relationships with other women. Recently this lack of unity in our "circle" has caused some turbulence. When people don't spend time together and connect on a deeper level then they don't really know each other and things tend to get taken the wrong way and feelings get hurt. People put up walls and organize defenses when all they really needed to do was speak up and clarify.
It's hard though, I have that problem as well. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have the worst timing of anyone when it comes to speaking up. It's a flaw of mine that results in me putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. I am seeing God working now though. It's difficult for me, but I believe that God is stripping away things from my life that are keeping me from working on the real problem, myself. I hate to admit it, but I have drifted, I've seen it for a while now and I've been making my sad mortal attempts at concocting a solution, but I've only been working on the outward problems and not changing the heart. I've been trying to turn sour fruit sweet instead of trimming back the branches and starting over. So although my attempts to rectify some wrongs have been somewhat in vain, it has painfully revealed the true problem and given the motivation to really make things right. I owe most of this insight to my best (and only) friend, my husband. I praise God for him and his ability to help me decipher the often obvious things in my life that are holding me and us back. He has vowed to love me forever, better or worse and help me reach my full God-given potential, he gives me the will to make a change and I am so thankful to him for that.
So I have devised a plan, a list of changes that will hopefully result in more UNITY - at home, at work, at church, in our lives in general.
1. PRAY more often. (I need to talk to God more)
2. READ Gods word daily. (I need to listen to God more)
3. Adopt a POSITIVE attitude for everything. (Finding joy in anything)
4. Complain LESS. (I'm pregnant, and uncomfortable, no need to remind everyone all the time)
5. APPRECIATE my husband. (He is awesome! Tell him & show him)
6. CONTRIBUTE more to my family. (I don't have a job-my family is my job)
7. SCHEDULE my time. (Get stuff done during the day so evenings are free)
8. Be FLEXIBLE with family time. (When Nick's off work, family time begins)
9. LISTEN better. (Two ears and one mouth..talk less)
10. Remember our family's VISION. (Always moving forward, always serving the Lord)
Most of those seem like no-brainers, but I have to refocus sometimes just to stay, or get back, on track. So here goes - I'm off to give my family more of what it deserves and pray that these changes, in time, will flow through out my entire life.
5.22.2008
The many uses of a toothbrush.
So as I am writing this, Mason is in his room scrubbing his bathroom with a toothbrush. Why? You might be asking. Well the reason is that my 4 year old has been suspended from school for his unruly and disruptive behavior. The theory is that through hard work you will break a childs will without damaging their spirit. Mason has lost all his priveleges and is now working to earn his keep. As a child his "job" is school...if he gets kicked out of school he becomes unemployed, so now he works for his dad and I. I thought it was pretty clever-and something we can carry out through out his school career until he graduates. He wants to act like an adult, now he has the responsibility of an adult-kind of. The idea came from a combination of my husbands experience at boot camp and a book I read called 'Changing You Childs Heart'. The idea is that instead of using punishments to discipline a child, we use what the book refers to as "betterments". Activities that require hard work that will improve the child somehow. In this case, he is learning how to clean properly and I get a day off. It also includes things such as refolding all the childs clothes if they don't keep their drawers neat or writing a phrase over and over again which would improve the childs handwriting in addition to reminding him or her of their bad behavior, they also sugguested jumping jacks and push-ups for hyperactive behavior. So far so good, he has cleaned his room spotless and now is moving on to the bathroom. With any luck he'll finish before snack time and spend the rest of the day in the kitchen :) Don't feel bad though, it's not like child labor or anything, he gets paid (meals, snacks, etc.) and at the end of the day we will be attending to our parenting class and going swimming. He doesn't know about that yet, but after 5:00 I am no longer his boss and will resume my role as Mommy. Trust me, he's rather be at school right now.
5.09.2008
Ugh, he's at it again....
My precious little boy has been acting...not so precious.For some odd reason he is under the impression that he is the boss, in charge and in his late twenties. Sometimes it's kind of cute, like when he tells me that he thinks it's about time he gets a job, or when he talks about getting married and getting his own house. As much as I don't want to think about those days that are coming all too soon, our job as parents is to prepare our children to leave. Then there are the not so cute - pretty ugly if you ask me - things that he does. For instance, he has no problem voicing, in many words, his displeasure with anyone's decisions. He argues about anything and everything, has to have the last word and rarely gives up until he's in time out for the 2nd or 3rd time. It's scary really, especially for me. Mainly because I remember being the EXACT same way when I was his age. Actually it only really started to change a year or so ago (if you ask some they'll tell you it never changed). It's a huge reality check when you feel as though you are arguing with yourself in the body of a 4 year old boy. Makes me wish I would have set a better example. Well, we have our work cut out for us, to say the least.
The thing is, he can be the sweetest thing too. He loves to give big hugs and kisses, he loves to cuddle with his mommy and talk to his baby brother in my belly (he sings to him sometimes). He says he wants to be like his daddy and he talks about Jesus. Those are the things that make me melt. Those are the times that I look at him and can't imagine ever being angry with him. I know he is a normal, active (very active) little boy. I just can't stand the fact that he has been labled a problem child at school because he hits and spits and disrespects his teachers. All of these behaviors are completely unacceptable, but that isn't who he is.
So on my way to changing his bad behavior, I am realizing more and more that I have to change my behavior. I have raised him myself up until 4 months ago when I got married. He doesn't understand the chain of command: God-Daddy-Mommy-Mason. It hurts that I have almost set him up for failure, but he's only 4 and it's not too late. Better now than when he's a teenager..or worse yet, when he's married. So my husband and I are on a mission now, to model a godly respect and love for each other, in hopes that over time he will loosen his grip on the control he thinks he has and just be a little boy.
The thing is, he can be the sweetest thing too. He loves to give big hugs and kisses, he loves to cuddle with his mommy and talk to his baby brother in my belly (he sings to him sometimes). He says he wants to be like his daddy and he talks about Jesus. Those are the things that make me melt. Those are the times that I look at him and can't imagine ever being angry with him. I know he is a normal, active (very active) little boy. I just can't stand the fact that he has been labled a problem child at school because he hits and spits and disrespects his teachers. All of these behaviors are completely unacceptable, but that isn't who he is.
So on my way to changing his bad behavior, I am realizing more and more that I have to change my behavior. I have raised him myself up until 4 months ago when I got married. He doesn't understand the chain of command: God-Daddy-Mommy-Mason. It hurts that I have almost set him up for failure, but he's only 4 and it's not too late. Better now than when he's a teenager..or worse yet, when he's married. So my husband and I are on a mission now, to model a godly respect and love for each other, in hopes that over time he will loosen his grip on the control he thinks he has and just be a little boy.
5.08.2008
Wow, it really is harder than I thought.
Okay, so I was sure that this whole marriage thing would be a challenge, all relationships are. However I wasn't expecting it to be this difficult. Before I continue I want to make it clear that my husband is in no way the source or cause of these difficulties I am speaking of. He is amazing. He is a great husband and a wonderful father, he is leading this family in a humble and Godly way and providing everything we need. To put it plain and simple, I am the problem. No, this isn't some pity party that I am throwing for myself, I have just been doing a lot of soul searching and taking a good long hard look at myself (with the encouragment of others to do so).
Maybe it's because of the fact I lived with marriage counselors (good ones), that I thought I'd have this marriage thing down. I mean, I know all the basics, I even know all the big problems that couples face, the ones that end in counseling and even divorce. I know what the bible says about having a Godly marriage and I've seen it all work for truth in others lives. So then why am I having such a difficult time applying all my knowledge to my own marriage?
I've been seeing a lot of things lately, very upsetting things. For instance, my son has had absolutely no respect for authority. He is under the impression that his 4-year-old wisdom far surpasses anyone with a diploma or college degree. As funny as it sounds, it's scary. I have been killing myself trying to discipline him and change his behavior with little to no results. Very frustrating. Then I asked a different question, "What's wrong with me?" instead of "What's wrong with him?" That is a huge question with some really ugly answers if you think about it. You see, my biggest problem is submission. It always has been. Knowing this I thought I would be able to keep it under control, unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I have argued with my husbands authority...GOD ORDAINED AUTHORITY and demonstrated to my son that this is acceptable. OMG what have I done?!
So this is my new mission. Rather than be a better mother to my son or fix my sons behavior issues, I have decided to be a better wife to my husband and fix my own behavior issues. Ouch! Seriously, how can I expect my son to have any respect for authority when I don't. He has no idea what that even looks like.
The second thing that fed into my revelation was a book my mother in law demanded Nick and I read together. Since I have more free time on my hands than he does I went ahead and started, thank God that I did. You see I had this AHA! moment about a week ago. I was recovering from a night of resisting my husbands authority and him finally breaking and spilling his heart to me-by the way, this was the mots beautiful, painful conversation I have ever had with him-anyways, the next day I was thinking. I am married to a man that is extremely committed to his job and driven to provide for his family. That is a very admirable quality in a man, however after a while, for many women, it becomes a source of irritation. If he's at work all the time when does he have time for his family? Well, my husband comes home after work every night and spends time with us, he takes days off for us, when we need him he's always there. I want him to continue to do that and I know that if he feels like he can't be successful with his family like he is at his job, he will spend less time with the family and more time at work. This leads into what I learned in that book I was talking about. It's called Love and Respect and the basic jist of it is that men and women have basic NEEDS--women need love and men need respect. If a man doesnt feel respected he will react in an unloving way and if a woman feels unloved she will be disrespectful. It's a cycle. It makes logical sense, but there's more than that, it's biblical. By biblical, I mean that those words are specifically in the bible. In Ephesians, it says (paraphrased) Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and wives submit to your husbands like the church submits to Christ. Well a little further down the page it restates these instructions in slightly different words. 5:33 (NIV)"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves his own body and the wife must respect her husband." LOVE and RESPECT. AHA!
So, relating this back to Mason, as a married couple we are to demonstrate the connection between Christ and the church in our marriage. Submission and unconditional love. And for our marriage, unconditional love and unconditional respect. It's very basic, but oh so hard to accomplish. But here I go, I'm going to give it my best and I will be the wife that God commands me to be and the wife my husband deserves!
Pray for me:)
Maybe it's because of the fact I lived with marriage counselors (good ones), that I thought I'd have this marriage thing down. I mean, I know all the basics, I even know all the big problems that couples face, the ones that end in counseling and even divorce. I know what the bible says about having a Godly marriage and I've seen it all work for truth in others lives. So then why am I having such a difficult time applying all my knowledge to my own marriage?
I've been seeing a lot of things lately, very upsetting things. For instance, my son has had absolutely no respect for authority. He is under the impression that his 4-year-old wisdom far surpasses anyone with a diploma or college degree. As funny as it sounds, it's scary. I have been killing myself trying to discipline him and change his behavior with little to no results. Very frustrating. Then I asked a different question, "What's wrong with me?" instead of "What's wrong with him?" That is a huge question with some really ugly answers if you think about it. You see, my biggest problem is submission. It always has been. Knowing this I thought I would be able to keep it under control, unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I have argued with my husbands authority...GOD ORDAINED AUTHORITY and demonstrated to my son that this is acceptable. OMG what have I done?!
So this is my new mission. Rather than be a better mother to my son or fix my sons behavior issues, I have decided to be a better wife to my husband and fix my own behavior issues. Ouch! Seriously, how can I expect my son to have any respect for authority when I don't. He has no idea what that even looks like.
The second thing that fed into my revelation was a book my mother in law demanded Nick and I read together. Since I have more free time on my hands than he does I went ahead and started, thank God that I did. You see I had this AHA! moment about a week ago. I was recovering from a night of resisting my husbands authority and him finally breaking and spilling his heart to me-by the way, this was the mots beautiful, painful conversation I have ever had with him-anyways, the next day I was thinking. I am married to a man that is extremely committed to his job and driven to provide for his family. That is a very admirable quality in a man, however after a while, for many women, it becomes a source of irritation. If he's at work all the time when does he have time for his family? Well, my husband comes home after work every night and spends time with us, he takes days off for us, when we need him he's always there. I want him to continue to do that and I know that if he feels like he can't be successful with his family like he is at his job, he will spend less time with the family and more time at work. This leads into what I learned in that book I was talking about. It's called Love and Respect and the basic jist of it is that men and women have basic NEEDS--women need love and men need respect. If a man doesnt feel respected he will react in an unloving way and if a woman feels unloved she will be disrespectful. It's a cycle. It makes logical sense, but there's more than that, it's biblical. By biblical, I mean that those words are specifically in the bible. In Ephesians, it says (paraphrased) Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and wives submit to your husbands like the church submits to Christ. Well a little further down the page it restates these instructions in slightly different words. 5:33 (NIV)"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves his own body and the wife must respect her husband." LOVE and RESPECT. AHA!
So, relating this back to Mason, as a married couple we are to demonstrate the connection between Christ and the church in our marriage. Submission and unconditional love. And for our marriage, unconditional love and unconditional respect. It's very basic, but oh so hard to accomplish. But here I go, I'm going to give it my best and I will be the wife that God commands me to be and the wife my husband deserves!
Pray for me:)
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